01 Oct Polyamory & True Love
I think “true love” needs an overhaul.
My name is Sarah, and I’m the head creator of Twice. It’s funny to make a feature film about redefining True Love, because in the years it takes to bring a film into the world, I’ve learned so much mind-blowing stuff about love. Almost like the film is my child, and you think you’re gonna teach your kid all the things, when really it’s your kid who teaches tons of priceless wisdom to you. Twice is my wise teacher-child.
Why redefine True Love? So that you can be deeply authentic in your life, thrive through heartache, and feel all the joy. It’s, like, totally worth it.
Now, I happen to be a polyamorous lady, a love revolutionary. You may never have heard the word “polyamorous,” and I get that. No worries. It’s a word that pings more and more often on Google Alerts, but hasn’t been accepted by mainstream culture. Yet.
Polyamory means that I love more than one person at once while being honest with everyone involved. Often, the way we love is a subject we haven’t thought much about because culture tells us that true love is one person choosing only one partner over all others, and that if you don’t fit into that mould, it can’t be true love.
I am here to tell you that there are other options. Consider this:
Boom. Love revolution. That redefinition actually changes a lot in life. Let’s use me as an example: I love 3 people right now, intimately. I’m in love with 3 men. I’m legally married to one of them. All three have always known about each other’s place in my heart and bed. We have kids. I’ve been with 2 of them for over 14 years each.
For the record, one of my dudes is monogamous; I have no problem with monogamy. In fact, I love me some monogamous people, so much so that I made a baby with one. Another of my loves doesn’t have any label. The other is a relationship anarchist (have fun googling that!).
Really, I just want people to have lots of options, and right now, mainstream culture tries to shame you away from diverse love styles. Plus, society is seriously lacking the skills it takes to realistically do true loving in an ethical, happy, consensual way. Just know that there are people out there like me, living the true love life, who are practicing and figuring out honesty skills.
When you’re lying to someone, you’re taking away their human rights.
That’s a big deal, I know. Strong words, saying you’re taking away human rights if you’re lying, but that’s what I believe. I do think there’s more to it than that, it isn’t black and white, and no one’s perfect. And yep, there’s a coming-out process which is nuanced.
But ain’t it an amazing goal to be totally honest with everyone? It’s a revolutionary movement, the practice of becoming totally honest.
What you’re doing when you’re not telling partners the truth is: you’re taking away their right to say yes or no. Or maybe. Or “Let’s try it,” or, “I need to Wikipedia that because I don’t know what the heck that even means.”
This new rebellious idea means that you can be ALL of yourself while treating others with honesty, kindness and BIG LOVE.
Please think this over: what if true love isn’t a particular form of love? It means that if you fall in love with more than one person, you can be with everyone you love without lying. It means that if you wanna, you can have sex with more than one person, as long as you’re ethical about it.
It means you can be partnered with no one at all, and still experience true love in your life, because your friends might be who you honestly feel are your family. The bottom line is that you can be your whole self, exploring the world without being a “cheat” or a “liar” or less than a “good” person. Without repressing your love or the multiple facets of your inner self.
That’s a big risk you’ll be taking when you tell the truth, because your people could say no. Folks lie for all sorts of reasons, but I think one of the main ones is fear of rejection. You’re afraid of asking that person, “Are you okay with this?” and them saying, “Nope. I’m not going to love you when you do that.”
That’s truly scary. I understand and certainly don’t mean to downplay it. What I am saying is that when you take that risk, you’ll know in your heart that you were asking for what you really want and you upheld the rights to consent.
When you can’t be honest with yourself, you know you're lying and you feel awful. You feel partial, like a ghost.
I wanna live in a world where people are all of themselves. Complete. Whole-hearted. There are certain gifts you can only give if your inner world match your outer one.
Because the other deadly side effect of not being honest with yourself? No one can possibly fully love you if they don’t actually know who you are.
I want you to be loved as YOU.
I want us to be free to discover who we are, to be able to change during our lifetimes and not feel like we have to break someone’s heart simply because someone new came along, not if that goes against what you want deep down.
We’re constantly creating relationships all around us. When I have any sort of relationship, I think of it as collaboration. Excitedly, I think, “Wow, I get to collaborate with this person.”
I get to collaborate while making babies. I get to collaborate with my loved ones during the hard times, like when my partner of 14-plus years finds out he has cancer, while still collaborating with all my partners in love and child raising and sharing life together. I get to collaborate with my new love who brings me gifts I never even knew existed. I get to collaborate with hundreds of people to make a MOVIE!
How lucky am I to make stuff in all these ways that puts love into the world?
Whether or not you fall in love with more than one person, I dare you to collaborate with those you love, and to be honest with yourself and your teammates.
Many of you will end up living monogamous lives. Yay! I’ll be completely overjoyed with your joy. I’ll be so happy as we create alliances together where we can be ourselves around each other, when you love me for me, and I love you for you.
Sadly, I don’t win a toaster for converting anyone to polyamory, even though I could use a new toaster. What I’m actually working towards is living in a more authentic world where people don’t feel ashamed in saying, “I think I might want to try this. I think I might want to explore this together. I think I need to be more honest.”
Believe me, I know these ideas I’ve been spouting sound like, “Yeah, that’s a great idea, Sarah, but how do I do that IRL?” Well, I love figuring out how to do True Love with you as we go along. That’s what Twice is for, why this blog was created, and basically why I exist.
I’m making this movie about True Love so that you can watch people who’ve tried, tripped and fallen, and gotten back up to say, “Ouch, that hurt, but this is what I learned from it. Would you like to see what we’ve figured out?”
Join me in the True Love Revolution and create your life, truly.